In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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