My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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