its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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