I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
