Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
