And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
