is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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