I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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