rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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