he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
