he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
