If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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