Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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