new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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