I'm going to jail i love you
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
