i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
