drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
