When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
