You're my little dorito
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
