Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
