I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
