GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
