checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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