We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
