fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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