I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Randomize
