I like to think it a success when the cops are called
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
