Soap is not a condiment
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
