I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
