i already hear my dad disowning me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
