i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
