The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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