I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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