Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
