Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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