My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
