Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
