i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
