Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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