She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i barfeds in our rink
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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