The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
