New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i drank out of a bidet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
