Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need to calm my uterus...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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