Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
