i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize