ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
