I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm passing your future prison.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
