Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
