ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
