Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
