I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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