I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize