dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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