thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
