I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
