I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
