Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
