how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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