Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
