so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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