You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
