it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize