You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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