maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
