I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize