Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
