There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
