So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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