You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
