I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
