Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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