Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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